:(

She lay awake on her bed for a very long time. She dreaded waking up to an empty house and face the reality. The reality that she is all alone now. She did not have him anymore.....he is gone...forever...

All this while, her life was like a fairytale, which she shared with the love of her life. And now.......and now all gone......all taken away from her rudely, just because someone chose to have a wee bit of extra fun in driving after heavily drinking. Her life had shattered into small pieces in front of her eyes. She knew she would take a very very long time to overcome this feeling. Every time she closed her eyes, the scene would play again. The screeching and spinning of  tyres was all she could remember, and then facing the fact that, she lost the one person whom she had loved almost all her life. He was everything for her. The sheer purpose of her existence. She felt confused as to why God spared her. Why she was forced to lead a life without him. 

The huge house that was filled with their laughter and small fights and silly arguments have suddenly become so silent, that it scared her. Scared her to the extent that she felt, she would go insane. She regretted each and every moment spent in anger towards him. She wished to go back in time and change everything, including their fights. She knew that her family and her true friends would be there for her....always. But, the truth was, she dint want to be with them. She only wanted to be with him, and hear his voice and feel his touch on her, when she was only too aware of the reality.

She dragged herself out of the bed atlast. She had to go meet the guy responsible for her husband's death, who was in police custody. Each and every nook and corner of the house reminded her of her time spend with blissful happiness with her husband. The memories were flashing through her mind. Memories which she was not ready to let go off soon.


It was important for her to meet that guy and tell him what she was supposed to say. Until then she would feel as if a heavy load has been kept on her mind. And she knew, what she had to say was important to the guy too. She wanted to let him know that she had already "forgiven" him for what he did, inspite of what she will have to go through and cope up with, her entire life. She wanted him to let him know this, because, heart of hearts, she knew that, that's exactly what her husband would have wanted her to do............................

(I'm unable to put a title for this. Suggestions accepted..)

And Where Were you?

I never thought I'd see this day,
I never thought I'd feel this way,
You.......a stranger to me now.
I'm left with emptiness......
I wish I knew how it could be
That we were once so open and free.
You were like my brother....
And yet so much more..
I wish I would have seen,
What I see now...before.
For, I did not and its too late..
My friend, my best friend, is now unknown
And what hurts the most is, I now know..
What I lost..and I'm alone.
To face a challenge life has sent
And not a moment with you I've spent
I hope one day I can forgive you, my friend
I miss you...
Why did you go?

The Moonlit Night

Such a beautiful moonlit night....and I'm sure that you must have left your house and must be enjoying this night somewhere. Maybe near some seashore, you are sitting to enjoy the moonlit night and thinking about me..

I have opened all the windows in my house, and I am enjoying the same moonlight that you are enjoying..This night is so beautiful, and like our love for each other, its also pure and wonderful. Just like how the moonlight is melting into the night sky, I would love to melt into you. But that would be equal to trying to reach for the moon, from earth...isn't it??

No More Tears

Three years and more
Since that cold day in August
Yet, I still remember it,
Like it was yeaterday
(I guess to me, it always will be.)

Rain poured down, as if it desperately needed to rid itself of all moisture. As if the clouds had to wring out all the water that night. That very night, or else the world will come to a drastic end.

To me, that "end" seemed to come anyway. The streets were pools of water. Cars spinning out of control. He never had a chance to grow old. Twenty three, he was merely twenty three.

Too young to experience life on his own and yet too old to have it spoon - fed to him. He wanted to be independent, a rebel. He wanted to say, that he had done it, without his parents ever knowing. But, they found out.

24th Aug. '07, 17:00 : Knock on the door..."I'm sorry aunt", was the first words out of his mouth,"your son was killed today in a car accident." The world came to a halting stop and yet the room still managed to continue to spin.

"You don't know what you are talking about. My son.....he just went out with his friends. Maybe he's back." Frantically, she ran up the stairs. He was gone, nowhere to be found.

It's over, he was identified, it was really him, a best friend to so many....his life stolen away. I heard it that night, full of disbelief. I acted as if I never heard the words.

"Lies...so full of lies..its only a nasty rumor. You know how that is," was my reply to the news that soon became a reality to me shortly after.

I saw him lying...still..no movement. Although I could have sworn that any moment he was just going to rise up out of the white sheet that he rested in and bring peace to a room full of grief.

It din't even look like him. It wasn't him. Too long I glared at him. Questions running through my mind like a freight train at a speed too fast to comprehend.

"God, he was so young. How could a life so young be stolen so quickly?" No reply..I got infuriated with "GOD". He was a good person, just made a few bad choices. I never thought, they were severe enough to be punishable by death.

The next day, as I witnessed the casket that held the breathless body of my friend, and he was burned down into the earth, tears poured down my cheeks like rain out of heaven. It was so hot that day, I could feel the salty droplets dry hard on my face.

I wondered for so long about the life of my friend. I pondered this question so many times. Why shall the innocent die, while the murderers run free? How come he never got to fulfill the 'perfect' plan that we are all promised ?


It has taken me more than a year to understand the loss of my friend. It has taken me this long to realize that his plan was played out. It is all summed up in this one word that often bring shudders to the bones of so many...."Lessons..."

His death was a lesson to all that he left behind....that life is fragile. There is no way we can control who lives and dies. All we can do is have faith that we will get through it.

Good and bad are obvious and sometimes not so obvious. Right and wrong choices can determine life or death. So, its time for us to wake up. Morn no more, for time will heal our broken hearts. And one day, there will be no more tears to cry.


( I had written this a long time back..just posting it...with a few changes made..)

TRAGEDY

I had a guy of my dreams. He was that sensual smell that rivaled the flowers. The beautiful sight that rivaled the angels. He was the world to me....Even when we were separated, we still were together. No other guy could compare to him. He was a diamond that was perfectly unpolished and found in just the most mesmerizing form. I will not tell you that he went astray and that he was wrong.. In fact, I can't say that he was wrong at all, because, i was. I'm the one who din't express myself when he would call..I din't see him. And I'm the one who hurt him emotionally. Before him, I could honestly say I never cared about much of anything. But when we found each other I was and still am ready to die for him and the love I still have for him.

I was never the one to be in - touch with my feelings in the deepest ways. I played too many games around him and in my time of just having fun, I pushed him into the arms of another woman. He beared with me for so long. I guess I just took him for granted. Always thought that he loves me, and I love him. And that we'll always be together. I thought wrong..! He was there, but I wasn't and he needed the gap filled and I took too long to refill it.

The love we had was beautiful. But quickly showed itself to be a rose. Beautiful in its young days and grows weak over time until it dies.

All I can do is live life the best I can. This blow has struck me mortally. And whether we get back together or not, if I reach the older age, I will always look back at these days as a big "tragedy".

To all of you men men/women that have hurt people that love you.....and to all the people that have been hurt....It takes a something bad to happen for a person to learn the good that should happen. I am still learning............................

The Blue Clouds

Looking at the blue clouds in the sky, you said that they are moving apart. One cloud is going away from the other. But, I felt just the opposite. Each cloud is showing eagerness to go to its love. When i said this to you and looked into your eyes, I could clearly see that your shining eyes were clouding slowly with shyness. And it was spreading and slowly hugging your entire body.
When we were kids, we used to run through the green fields, and all the dragon flies around us used to ignore us. My voice used to shiver, whenever i tried explaining to you, why the dragonflies were ignoring us. I was scared, whether the secret which I used to carry deep within me would come out...unknowingly.....
When at last we used to sit down to talk, it would have been almost sunset. You used to love watching the sunset. I remember telling you that, watching something or someone melting down into nothingness is not good. When you used to make fun of me about my way of admiring beauty, I never felt bad. But when you said, "Our opinions never match, we are not supposed to be together," unknowingly, somewhere my castle made up of dreams tumbled down to pieces. "Never expect me anymore. Ever. We shall happily go our separate ways," when you said this I never even understood why all this was happening in my life.
When I stared at your footprints in the path leading away from me, I realized that, what you told me is true.......
                       
                       "THE BLUE CLOUDS ARE MOVING APART"